


Rampage

by using_this_name



Series: Crackity Crack [53]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Archer Fusion, Crack, Dead Hookers, Drabble, F/M, Humor, M/M, Rampage - Freeform, Revenge, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-09
Updated: 2013-08-09
Packaged: 2017-12-22 22:15:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/918651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/using_this_name/pseuds/using_this_name
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What, Derek, I said it was a rampage!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rampage

**Author's Note:**

> This is a reaction to The Girl Who Knew Too Much. So don’t read it if you haven’t seen the episode. 
> 
> Also, it’s a fusion with Archer, so yeah. I felt that was appropriate for my feelings following the episode.

**Chris:**  Stiles?

 **Stiles:**  Mmmm?

 **Chris:**  What are you doing in my house?

 **Stiles:**  Well, Chris, I’m getting a few guns.

 **Chris:**  Yes. I can see that, actually.

 **Stiles:**  Then why did you ask, Chris?

 **Chris:**  Perhaps a better question would be: Why?

 **Stiles:**  I am going on a Rampage. Can I borrow these grenades?

 **Chris:**  Noooope.

*a while later*

 **Stiles:**  … So then I had to shoot him in the kneecaps and take the grenades. But I have them now. Wanna be my driver? 

 **Scott:**  Nooo…

 **Stiles:**  I could shoot you in the kneecaps…

 **Scott:**  Yuuuup.

*and later, on a phone*

 **Derek:**  Rampaging?

 **Scott:**  Yes. Rampaging. And I would appreciate your help. He’s already killed three hookers because they ‘look like Derek’s type. And Derek’s type cannot be trusted.’

 **Derek:**  I’ll be there as quickly as I can.

 **Scott:**  You do that. He’s already interrogating the fourth hooker.

*after Derek has joined up and led Stiles to Jennifer’s apartment building*

 **Derek:** Her apartment is on the ninth floor, so I suggest we climb the fire escape and slip in through the —

 **Stiles:**  That sounds like a great idea. But let’s do this instead.

*Stiles shoots through the front door and starts a firefight with the guards at the security desk. Which he wins. ‘Cause those dudes do not have guns.*

 **Derek:**  Why…?

 **Stiles:**  Well, Derek, because I was promised a kinky yet adorable werewolf threesome, and instead my hot English teacher TURNED INTO A LIPLESS MONSTER AND KIDNAPPED THE ONLY FAMILY I HAVE LEFT. Can you see why I would be a little mad?

 **Derek:**  Um.

 **Scott:**  Dude. Don’t argue with him. He’s on a Rampage.

 **Derek:**  I don’t think that actually counts as a legal defense for —

 **Stiles:**  IF THIS ELEVATOR DOESN’T GET HERE IN THE NEXT THIRTY SECONDS, I AM GOING TO SHOOT SOMEONE.

*and after they get off the elevator*

 **Stiles:**  Is the door locked?

 **Scott:**  Yes.

 **Stiles:**  Oh good. *shoots down the door* That’s much more satisfying.

 **A Neighbour Down the Hall:**  What’s happening out —

*Stiles shoots her*

 **Stiles:**  A Rampage. How does no one get that? It’s a fairly simple concept.

 **Jennifer:**  *coming to the door* Did you just shoot Mrs. Henderson?

 **Stiles:**  Yes. On the plus side, it was in the leg.

 **Jennifer:**  Um. Oh good?

 **Stiles:**  Scott, go find my dad. Derek, tie up your adorably evil girlfriend. I have a few questions before I use these grenades Mr. Argent lent me.

 **Derek:**  I’m not sure that’s what he…

*Scott brings the Sheriff in from another room*

 **Sheriff:**  Hello, son. How are you doing?

 **Stiles:**  I’m on a Rampage to rescue you.

 **Sheriff:**  Aw, thanks! But I’m free now, so why don’t you blow up Ms. Blake here so we can go home and order some pizza? I know how hungry a Rampage can make you.

 **Stiles:** Yeah. That would be great. I’ll even let you get meat on yours, if you want.

 **Sheriff:**  That sounds delicious. Oh, one more thing. Derek, yesterday there was a thing with a chess board and a horse with the label ‘My Boo’.

 **Stiles:**  I picked a horse for you because your penis is —

 **Sheriff:**  YES. THAT. Anyway, if you break my son’s heart I will make this Rampage look like a gentle talking-to. Any questions?

 **Derek:**  Nooope.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want updates as they happen, follow me on tumblr, where I am going by using-this-name (with dashes instead of underscores).
> 
> I would also LOVE any prompts that you would like to send me on tumblr. Any pairing, or any trope!


End file.
